you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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