Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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