ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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