I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
