dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
