I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
