Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
