I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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