I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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