i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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