Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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