I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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