Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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