Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
