I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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