Your tits are I can't wait for
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
