please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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