She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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