Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
