He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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