his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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