Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
