i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
