Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
