one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
