So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
