You're completely useless in the revolution.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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