i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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