If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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