as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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