Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
