Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
