Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
