First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
