Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
