I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
