what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
