A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
