Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
