you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
