Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
