I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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