More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
