If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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