when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
