If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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