Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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