College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
