Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
