The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
