Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
