is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Your penis caused this!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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