Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
