Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
