were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
