I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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