the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
