We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
