Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
