I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
