I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
