She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
